Monday's post is usually a stress reduction technique at the beginning of the work week. This Monday the post will probably stress you out if it reminds you of your life right now. My intention is to give you some distance so perhaps you can problem-solve for "he" and "she" and come to some possible solution strategies that either he or she or both could use to get out of stuck. We'll all benefit if you comment.
Here’s what the dialogue might sound like in everyday life when a couple tries to cope with a common stressful event, a disagreement about shared responsibilities in managing work, children, home, and yard.
She: “I’m exhausted. I’ve been up so late every night with work, then I have to get up at the crack of dawn to get the kids up and out. I can’t even think straight anymore.”
He: “ The kids have to learn to get themselves up and off to school. They’re old enough. Get them each their own alarm clock. You’ll have to be consistent, but it’ll work over time.”
She: “I’ve tried. I’m so frustrated at this point. Maybe you could make it work, but I can’t. I’m too easy on them I guess.”
He: “Exactly. You need to be firmer with them. I’ve told you that for years, but you keep on being a softy. No wonder you’re so tired. You let everyone take advantage of you.”
She: (now tearful) “Yeah, you’re right, including you. I wasn’t asking for any advice. I wanted a little support, not criticism. I do just about everything around here except for dealing with the cars and the yard. That’s why I’m so tired all the time.”
Men generally are now puzzled and resentful. His inner perspective: She had a problem that she needed help with. I gave her advice and she ended up over reacting and blaming me. I’ll just keep my mouth shut if that’s what I get from trying to help.
Women often end up feeling helpless, devalued, and lonely in the relationship. Her inner perspective: He doesn’t listen or understand. He thinks I’m a lousy parent and he doesn’t care about how I feel.
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