Writers: Gender Differences and Stress — March 11, 2011

Here's a repeat early post about gender differences in dealing with stress — and focused on writers in particular.

Blogger and writer, Kelli Russell Agodon, speculated about gender differences as they show up in writers. See the complete post and her blog at www.ofkells.blogspot.com
I have borrowed with permission and shortened the sequence, but not changed wording.

"If an editor of our press rejects work from a male writer, but writes something like, "This came close.  We'd like to see more of your work in the future, please resubmit" - we will usually receive another submission from the male writer within a month (though sometimes two) after he receives his rejection.

When we send this same note to a woman writer, she will resubmit maybe in 3-6 months (if that) but more likely it will be later than 6 months and sometimes a year (or the next submission season later).  Sometimes she will not resubmit at all.

I do not know why this is, but as a woman writer who grew up in the age of not imposing on people or being a bother, here is my guess to why--

When we ask a woman to resubmit she thinks, "When would be the best time to resubmit?  I don't want to seem pushy, but I do want to get them my work.  Maybe I should wait a few months so I don't seem desperate or so I don't irritate them by submitting so fast.  Do they really want to see more work, or were they just being nice?  I'm sure they want to see more work, but I should probably wait a couple months, I wouldn't want to be an imposition and it would be better manners and more respectful to wait a bit.  Or should I?  Yes, I'll play it cool and wait a few months. I wouldn't want to impose."
And then the woman writer waits and either forgets or send her submission out a few months to a year later.  (The generalization of women over-thinking things is going through my head right now.)"

Kelli's speculation fits in with research on gender and stress.  From a study by P. Matud about gender differences in stress we find out that one of several reasons that women experience more stress than men. Women carry a larger burden of demands and limitations at work and in the family than men, related to gender role expectations. WOW! The more things change the more things stay the same — still and again. My 1994 book, Genderflex, Men and Women Speaking Each Others Language at Work, is fortunately and unfortunately not outdated yet!


A further finding of the study is that men cope better with stress. They use problem-solving and emotional detachment to cope. They act. We use emotionally focused techniques and avoidance — and we don't take action. We stew. I'm sure you can see the connection to not resubmitting as a writer, which is a relatively benign consequence of women experiencing more stress and coping with it less well as you know. Our overthinking, inner critic is a powerful stressor — a stressor that fewer men have to deal with.

Differences Between Male and Female Brains? Of course.

 Here's the link to the interesting new neuroscientific research that confirms old social psychological research. (See Genderflex, Men and Women Speaking Each Other's Language at Work, 1994 by Judith C. Tingley Ph.D.)
 http://www.cerebromente.org.br/n11/mente/eisntein/cerebro-homens.htmlhttp://www.cerebromente.org.br/n11/mente/eisntein/cerebro-homens.html

Women are more emotional and men are more logical the researchers say. This is not news to most people. It is an accurate stereotype. I found it interestingly annoying however that the researchers equated logical thinking with "smarter". E.g. men are smarter apparently because they do better with math and science and women do better with human relations. I don't agree with that opinion. A musician isn't smarter than an artist. A writer isn't smarter than an electrician. Smart men and smart women have different areas of expertise, which doesn't make them smarter or dumber, but rather having a different set of skills.

 However, I am fascinated with the imaging results that give researchers greater knowledge of what's going on in our brain. I'm waiting for the day when they actually find the thousands of tiny inner critics running amok, breeding and overpopulating women's neural pathways. Maybe they'll have some solutions for eliminating the nasty critters effortlessly. But in the meantime, don't give up on problem-solving thinking, cognitive restructuring and detachment which you can read more about on future posts and in my book in progress, Handbook #1 for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit.

Spring Cleaning — Throw Out the NST

I like the metaphor that the Lauren Miller suggests; focusing our spring cleaning on getting rid of the negative thoughts in our mind. She discusses negative self-talk as a source of stress, which all of us with inner critics experience daily. She has suggestions for how to clean 'em out which are OK, but to truly eliminate the negative thoughts and reduce the stress takes more time and effort than she implies.
Here's the link.http://www.ereleases.com/pr/stress-relief-expert-lauren-miller-offers-quick-tips-spring-clean-thought-life-47749

While I'm reorganizing my site, I'll be doing more linking than original writing. Probably take me a couple more weeks. Thanks for your patience. I'm excited by increasing readership of this blog.  I'm thinking of adding cartoons, maybe sketches. What do you think? I'll try one out next blog.