Brief Review of What Is, Why Is Negative Self-Talk — And How to Get Rid of It

Long-time readers from around the world understand the concept of negative self-talk and may already have taken the challenge to eliminate it. Other readers may know alot about NST from other sources or experiences. Here's the framework I use to think, speak and write about it.


As a psychologist and therapist as well as executive coach I quickly discovered that many intelligent, high-achieving women indulged in negative self-talk. It became a habit that they were reluctant to break. They were unwilling to accept that NST was harmful. It creates stress which then decreases productivity and self-confidence, which creates more NST, which creates more inner stress — on and on the cycle repeats itself. My work in progress book, Handbook #1 for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit, addresses the issue in a very clear, direct, research-based approach. It's aimed at intelligent, thinking, high-achieving women, who "get it."

• What is negative self-talk?

It's the inner voice that tells you in many different words and ways that "I'm not OK," or asks "What is wrong with you?" A majority of women between teens and their fifties have the negative self-talk habit. By age 60 they have learned that it's a waste of time.

• Why do women start and continue the habit?

They may start it by imitating mothers, sisters, friends when they are in their teens, not realizing it's potentially an obstacle to their success. A secondary gain may come from saying the NST aloud and being reinforced. E.g. "I handled that conflict like an idiot. You'd think I'd learn." " That's not true Susan. I thought you dealt well with the group."

They continue the habit, because they don't recognize that NST is harmful and because it has become locked into their brain in the same way that any addictive habit develops a highly trafficked pathway with no detours or dead ends.

• How Can Women Eliminate the Habit?

• Determine if you have it
• Accept that it is an impediment to your success at work, at home, in all relationships
• Take the challenge to break the habit
• Use research based techniques work: not every technique will work for everyone, but one or more of the three primary categories will work., over time and with effort. It's a habit.

                 Problem-solving
                 Cognitive Restructuring
                 Detachment

This weekend, if this fits for you and you haven't yet started to get rid of your NST, just notice your inner voice and if it's negative self-talk, make a small, achievable plan to start dumping it. Hint: Positive thinking doesn't do the job, but realistic thinking is useful.

e.g NST. "I really don't know anything about how to move this project forward, but I'll stumble on I guess."

      PST. "I know I'll do a great job getting this  project completed successfully."
  
      RST. "I'll plan to ramp up the amount of time invested daily in order to get this project completed successfully."

Newsweek's Report on Women's Progress, plus a Few Leftovers

Note re 8/22 and 9/26 bog posts

I thought Monday's information about "ego depletion" which I found in a NYTimes Book Review and a New Yorker article by John Tierney mentioning "decision fatigue" seemed similar in concept, but I didn't figure it all out until I checked back. Both are authors of a recent book, Willpower. They are both marketing the book zealously as authors must, and in the process are using different language to attract a bigger audience. It worked in one way. I read both articles in full. In another way, it didn't work. I don't now see the book as widely, innovatively interesting and I'm not planning to buy it. H-m-m-m. Makes an author think!

I'm also researching:

•  brain mapping related to emotion and logic related to 9/19 post
•  why the increased interest in Buddha and the brain from 9/9 post

I'd be happy to post your thoughts and name, if you're interested and have more expertise than I on these 2 topics.

Women's Progress According to Newsweek

Today's post, continuing the topic of high-achieving women in a slightly different vein than the Wander Women focus, borrows from Newsweeks's 2011 Global Women's Progress Report. The link provides interesting details about the criteria for determining best and worst.

 
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/09/18/best-and-worst-countries-for-women-from-iceland-to-the-u-s-to-pakistan-and-afghanistan.html




I'll highlight information that I found interesting.

• Based on categories of Justice, Health, education, Economics and Politics, Iceland, Sweden and Canada were 1, 2, and 3 with the US in 8th place.

• Seven out of ten of the top countries for women are cold: top 3 above plus Scandinavian countries. Any ideas about causation or correlation?

.• A 2007 book, Dutch Women Don't Get Depressed notes that women in the Netherlands are happier because of their sense of personal freedom.

• Women in the US outpace men in college degrees and score 97.3 out of 100 in the general category of Education.

• US has first female CEO of a top-20 US bank, Beth Mooney.


• Women are recovering less rapidly than men from the recession. They have lost 218,000 jobs. Again, cause?


Friday, there'll be more content/experience with problem-solving thinking OUT LOUD.

No Negative Self-Tallk for Intelligent Women

A new book that's getting buzz reminds me of my book in progress, Handbook #1for Intelligent Women Only: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit. Roy Baumeister and John Tierney have a new book about willpower, titled Willpower, Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. The book review notes that the author's use of the metaphor of self-control as a muscle has a kernel of neurobiological truth. Specifically, as muscles can be energized by a sugary snack, so can will power: like muscles, frequent exercise of will power increases strength.
remember the source. The authors of Willpower uses the term "ego depletion" to describe a similar effect.

I blogged previously about "decision fatigue" which seems very similar to what Willpower calls "ego depletion." Both states describe a decreased ability to manage self-control. I'm wondering  if women who are having difficulty managing their negative self-talk (reducing or eliminating it) can pop a couple of M&Ms and their will power will puff up like a bicep.  Or if we're able to stop swearing, or smoking, or biting our fingernails if our will power muscle will strengthen enough to help reduce negative self-talk. Or even better, if we are able to reduce negative self-talk, will we be better able to manage ourselves in many other areas of self-control. e.g. habits like smoking that we don't want to continue or habits such as yoga that we do want to acquire as a regular practice.

I'd really be interested in other people's thoughts about will power, how to stimulate it, how to lose it. I've often thought that their wasn't such a real thing as will power and as I've discussed before self-management seems to have more to do with strategic allocation of attention than effort, sugar, or exercising my will power. But as we all have learned daily, we're all different and whatever works, practically or conceptually, is what we're looking for.