Wednesday, December 1, 2010

"What Should I Do?" from an Everyday Normal, Stressed Negative Self-Talker

 Here's a recent e-mail from a reader.  She had previously e-mailed to ask for help with her communication and I had answered her and asked for more specific information.

"I feel stressed and becomes anxious while speaking to anyone specially people whom I don't know. Even while talking to friends and family I feel stressed. If something is bothering me I cannot speak out. If I have some feelings in mind if possible I can write it but if I need to speak it becomes very difficult.There is a constant fight within me whether I should speak or not. In  my school days when teachers used to ask question I used to get nervous and can not say the answer properly. I' m quiet and afraid to speak in public. I get tensed. Even my thoughts and feelings get confused. I need to change internally.
What should I do?"

Although I don't know the young woman's age, I would guess she is in her twenties. Women Who Think Too Much by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema tells us that 76% of women in the decade between 25 and 35 are negative self-talkers. This intelligentwomenonly.com reader  seems to fit the description of the everyday normal overthinking, smart person who has learned from a young age, to put herself down. The result? High stress and low confidence.

Here was my initial response to her.
* Make a decision to change now; to be a better, more confident, comfortable, communicator. Keep your goal private for now.
* Read my book, Say What You Mean Get What You Want, A Businessperson's Guide to Direct Communication. It combines overcoming the negative self-talk obstacle with  acquiring good assertive communication techniques.
You can  buy it inexpensively at amazon.com

If you have any other suggestions for this reader from your experience, please send a comment in response to this post that she could read. Thanks.
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