Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Where are You, Realistic Thinking Women?

I know you must be out there, somewhere. There's nothing to be ashamed of just because you are NOT a negative self-talker — although sometimes it may seem that way. The strong bond of similarity that connects internally and externally self-critical people can feel exclusive. In group dynamics language, the realistic thinker becomes a deviant from the group norms of negative self-talkers.

The latter group has developed a somewhat pre-planned pattern of communication. For example, this is what often happens; trite and true. A and B are negative self-talkers.

A- "This sweater makes me look fat I know. I shouldn't wear it."
B - "I don't agree at all. The color looks great on you."
A-  "You really think so?"
B - "Of course. You look a lot better in that sweater than I do in these pants."
A - "I love those pants on you. They're great looking."
B - "Really?"

It's a dance — with both partners counting on the other to keep the music playing, complete the steps in sync, and follow the beat.

What happens when C, a realistic thinking woman, doesn't play by the unstated rules of the NSTer game?
A - "I'm such an idiot. I totally forgot to bring the book I borrowed from you last week. I know I promised I'd get it back to you right away. My mind is a seive."
C - "I do need it. Would you drop it by my house tonight or tomorrow morning? Just put it in the mailbox at the end of the driveway."
A - "Uh, OK."

What B might have said if she were responding to the book borrower would perhaps be something like this:
B - "No problem. I probably have something of yours that I've forgotten to return too. Could I possibly stop by tomorrow morning and pick it up?"

Are you a realistic thinker — a C responder? Do you feel discriminated against occasionally by the A, B sisters? I'd like to know your experience. Send me a story, when you have time — short or long. I'll post it if you want, won't if you don't want.
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