| This is the first content-oriented blog posting on intelligentwomenonly.com. I'm getting ready to reorganize, recategorize, resummarize, maybe redesign, reconstruct, my blog. This original post will help new visitors to tune in to my tone, attitude, belief system about negative self-talk. I'll continue with Technique of the Week on Wednesdays while I'm fooling around and figuring out on Sunday/Mondays. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, ideas, criticism, comments and cheers! |
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Back to March 29, 2010 — First Real Post
Monday, January 24, 2011
Negative Self-Talk on the Tennis Court
Watching the Australian Open Tennis Tournament begins to convince me that negative self-talk is not just an American women's habit.
Here's what happened. Maria Sharapova, originally from Russia, but now living in the United States, double faulted at one point in a match. The female announcer said something like, "Once Maria double faults, she does it in bunches." At the same time, the viewers see Maria shake her head negatively as she moves to the other side of the court. The male commentator says, " Yeah. It must be hard for her to get that thought out of her head," while the first agrees and asks, "Yeah, how do you do that?" The man doesn't know. Neither does she. The discussion ends.
Although we all know that what goes on in the mind affects all of us in all aspects of life, sports, work, parenting, relationships I had never before noticed how obvious the inner thoughts are to the public eye. So I started watching body language meticulously. Here's what I tentatively hypothesized after my brief research.
• Men's body language seems less observable and translatable than women's. Or the men are entirely focused on the moment and the match. Stragetic allocation of attention keeps them from thinking negative thoughts or positive thoughts. They only think of next shot, next point.
• However, there are some men, in the minority, who show loud and clear, without words, that their inner critic is beating them up. Andy Roddick seemed to be in that group a few years ago, but has definitely moved into the unscrutable majority. But when you hear him in an interview now, he sounds not so negative about himself as defensive about others' criticism of him. I guess that's better than the NST alternative.
• Many women show their NST clearly. These women also seem to lose early in the tournament. As the quarter finals approach, fewer women look, sound or behave like NSTers. e.g. Kim Clijsters.
• Men and women from different parts of the world seem to be negative self-talkers. I'm relieved to speculate that it's not just Americans. I'm going to keep stricter observation notes through the finals on Sunday and will report.
I'll be interested in your thoughts and observations of golfers, basketball players, co-workers, your kids and friends. Am I just seeing it everywhere even if it isn't?
Here's what happened. Maria Sharapova, originally from Russia, but now living in the United States, double faulted at one point in a match. The female announcer said something like, "Once Maria double faults, she does it in bunches." At the same time, the viewers see Maria shake her head negatively as she moves to the other side of the court. The male commentator says, " Yeah. It must be hard for her to get that thought out of her head," while the first agrees and asks, "Yeah, how do you do that?" The man doesn't know. Neither does she. The discussion ends.
Although we all know that what goes on in the mind affects all of us in all aspects of life, sports, work, parenting, relationships I had never before noticed how obvious the inner thoughts are to the public eye. So I started watching body language meticulously. Here's what I tentatively hypothesized after my brief research.
• Men's body language seems less observable and translatable than women's. Or the men are entirely focused on the moment and the match. Stragetic allocation of attention keeps them from thinking negative thoughts or positive thoughts. They only think of next shot, next point.
• However, there are some men, in the minority, who show loud and clear, without words, that their inner critic is beating them up. Andy Roddick seemed to be in that group a few years ago, but has definitely moved into the unscrutable majority. But when you hear him in an interview now, he sounds not so negative about himself as defensive about others' criticism of him. I guess that's better than the NST alternative.
• Many women show their NST clearly. These women also seem to lose early in the tournament. As the quarter finals approach, fewer women look, sound or behave like NSTers. e.g. Kim Clijsters.
• Men and women from different parts of the world seem to be negative self-talkers. I'm relieved to speculate that it's not just Americans. I'm going to keep stricter observation notes through the finals on Sunday and will report.
I'll be interested in your thoughts and observations of golfers, basketball players, co-workers, your kids and friends. Am I just seeing it everywhere even if it isn't?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Technique of the Week — Detachment continuing
Just found a book which elaborates on the topic of the January 4, 2011 WSJ article, "Conquering Fear", which is connected to 2 past posts on intelligentwomenonly.com: 1/14 and 1/16 2011. Mindfulness and Acceptance, Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition edited by Steven C. Hayes, Victoria Follettee and Marsha M. Linehan, 2004.
The book is dense (meaning hard to read and understand) and arcane (meaning in fact what I meant by dense). Here's an interesting exercise proposed in the book. The goal is for the reader to experience the difference between looking AT thoughts and looking FROM thoughts. Looking AT thoughts is a more detached state than looking FROM thoughts.
1. Think whatever you choose.
2. Then imagine that there are little soldier, marching out of your head, carrying signs with each thought you are having written upon it.
3. Watch the parade, as if from a reviewing stand, and keep it going and flowing, emptying your mind of the thoughts.
4. If the parade stops for any reason, e.g. you leave the reviewing stand, you join the parade, you become a soldier, notice what happened immediately prior to the stop. Probably your detachment moved to attachment and you began looking FROM thoughts.
"The point is to begin to learn how to look at thoughts as thoughts rather than looking at the world through thoughts, and to learn how to detect the difference." p. 20
To me the point is to learn to have a thought without reflexive judgment, evaluation or reaction — just as you might see 27 books on a library shelf without judgment, evaluation or reaction.
What do you think? Too weird?
The book is dense (meaning hard to read and understand) and arcane (meaning in fact what I meant by dense). Here's an interesting exercise proposed in the book. The goal is for the reader to experience the difference between looking AT thoughts and looking FROM thoughts. Looking AT thoughts is a more detached state than looking FROM thoughts.
1. Think whatever you choose.
2. Then imagine that there are little soldier, marching out of your head, carrying signs with each thought you are having written upon it.
3. Watch the parade, as if from a reviewing stand, and keep it going and flowing, emptying your mind of the thoughts.
4. If the parade stops for any reason, e.g. you leave the reviewing stand, you join the parade, you become a soldier, notice what happened immediately prior to the stop. Probably your detachment moved to attachment and you began looking FROM thoughts.
"The point is to begin to learn how to look at thoughts as thoughts rather than looking at the world through thoughts, and to learn how to detect the difference." p. 20
To me the point is to learn to have a thought without reflexive judgment, evaluation or reaction — just as you might see 27 books on a library shelf without judgment, evaluation or reaction.
What do you think? Too weird?
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