Create Space by Being in the Moment

Although weekends can be stressful in their unique way, focusing on here and now, a tricky achievement, can help.

A suggestion was made at yoga this morning that we create more space between each negative thought, so that rather than one negative thought, e.g. "I never should have said that," bursting in air into twenty negative thoughts,  "I always say the wrong thing," "I'm an idiot sometimes," "People must think I'm brain dead," the original thought slowly disintegrates from inattendance.

Like any skill, cooking fish on the grill, creating a budget, parenting toddlers and teens, it takes time and mistakes, learning and improvement, before we reach a comfortable level of accomplishment.

I'm working on creating space this weekend. What are your thoughts, your experiences?

Intelligent Women and Courage

 Psychology Today blogger Steven Kotler has an interesting article about courage on his site. He mentions the lack of research about the topic and starts his own examination of the understudied concept. He says, "Considering the massive spike in anxiety-disorders in the past few decades, this dearth seems especially troublesome." I agree, thinking particularly of past  posts titled, "Anxiety is the Enemy of Intelligence", Nov. 17 and 21, 2010.

Anxiety is also the enemy of courage, although I don't have research findings to validate that belief.

As a start, Kotler has developed 12 categories of courage, which in a way is a good start, but in another way seems like an obstacle to understanding of the characteristic.  The two categories that most interest me at the moment, as related to intelligent women are:

"4. Intellectual Courage: Obviously, this is the willingness to come out in favor of an idea that others find patently ridiculous. I think there are probably a few subset [sic]  in here as there seems to be some kind of fundamental difference between, say, Galileo’s courage to argue that the earth revolves around the sun (based on scientific evidence) and the courage to defend an idea like creationism (that flies in the face of scientific evidence), but how to tease them apart further is not yet clear."


"9. Emotional Courage: This is a willingness to do something like get divorced or break up with your boyfriend and the like, where on knows that you will feel emotionally wretched for a considerable period of time afterward, yet you’re still willing to suffer those consequences for a greater emotional (ie. chance at happiness) pay-off later."

I applaud Kotler's  attempt to get a handle on courage, although I would have different definitions and different examples.  E.g. Intellectual courage is much more than willingness to come out in favor of an idea that others find ridiculous. It is courage to take time and energy to think first rather than react, to gather information rather than make up stuff, to know your facts, even if they disagree with your beliefs. What Kotler calls intellectual courage, I would call integrity, but now I'm heading for a tangent.

I see what Kotler talks about as emotional courage as courage to take action, based on decisions you've arrived at through your intelligence and your emotional moderation. What are your thoughts about courage, intelligence, negative self-talk, stress and women in particular?


I'm going to follow Kotler as he keeps on this topic of courage. Here's the link to the post:
  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-playing-field

A Monday and the First Day of the Month is a Great Time to Detach

All the best advice I've received from friends in the last few days has been focused on detachment as the solution to stress problems that involve lots of people, anger, frustration, controversy, accusations and conflict. Theoretically, I'm an expert on detachment because of my long-term experience with meditation. In practice however I can over-engage, which is sort of a synonym for too intense, too close, too focused. From three very different people, I got the same advice, stated in different words, but highly similar. Back off, reduce the heat, slow the train, pull off the road to a rest stop, smell the roses, leave town, take a break, take a nap etc: all examples of detaching.

Here are some thoughts that I had yesterday as advice for me and to others in my current conflict-filled environment.
The principles are easy. Application is hard.

• Assume to start with that people with whom you are involved, even if they tick you off, don't have bad intentions. They may have made an error in judgment or in communication, but they haven't intentionally meant harm.

• Adopt a willingness to compromise, to acknowledge a mistake.

• Be willing to apologize, forgive, if not forget, or forget, if not forgive.

• Contribute your time and energy to making your specific social system work if you're not currently doing so.

• Continue to be a person of integrity even when you think others are not.


More articles on/about/related to detachment can be found on intelligentwomenonly.com

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