Technique of the Week — Detachment continuing

Just found a book which elaborates on the topic of the January 4, 2011 WSJ  article, "Conquering Fear", which is connected to 2 past posts on intelligentwomenonly.com: 1/14 and 1/16 2011. Mindfulness and Acceptance, Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition edited by Steven C. Hayes, Victoria Follettee and Marsha M. Linehan, 2004.

The book is dense (meaning hard to read and understand) and arcane (meaning in fact what I meant by dense). Here's an interesting  exercise proposed in the book. The goal is for the reader to experience the difference between looking AT thoughts and looking FROM thoughts. Looking AT thoughts is a more detached state than looking FROM thoughts.

1. Think whatever you choose.
2. Then imagine that there are little soldier, marching out of your head, carrying signs with each thought you are having written upon it.
3. Watch the parade, as if from a reviewing stand, and keep it going and flowing, emptying your mind of the thoughts.
4. If the parade stops for any reason, e.g. you leave the reviewing stand, you join the parade, you become a soldier, notice what happened immediately prior to the stop. Probably your detachment moved to attachment and you began looking FROM thoughts.

"The point is to begin to learn how to look at thoughts as thoughts rather than looking at the world through thoughts, and to learn how to detect the difference." p. 20

To me the point is to learn to have a thought without reflexive judgment, evaluation or reaction — just as you might see 27 books on a library shelf without judgment, evaluation or reaction.

What do you think? Too weird?

Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit in 2011?

Intelligentwomenonly.com views negative self-talk as a habit, not a neurosis; a habit that needs to be broken in order to decrease stress, improve self-esteem and increase productivity. There have been lots of suggestions of what to do instead of negative self-talk and continuing focus on Techniques of the Week, but today I'll quote from a 12/22 WSJ article,  "How to Keep a Resolution."http://tinyurl.com/64n4mar

It's not quite the same as breaking a habit, but there are similarities: a plan, effort, time, commitment and energy are required. UGH. Daunting — always — for all.  "Keeping a resolution isn't a hundred yard dash. It's a marathon," says John Norcross a psychology professor from the University of Pennsylvania. I agree. It's always a good move to increase mental and physical stamina and resilience, but it's rarely easy.

The article proposes these steps, slightly altered by the blogger:

• Make a realistic plan in advance
• Reduce other life stresses if possible
• Practice exercising self-control in other areas of life before you tackle the "big one"
• Think ahead of time about potential obstacles and plan avoidance strategies
•  Plan rewards for successful behavior changes
•  Focus on the new habit, change rather than the old
•  Use positive reinforcement 80% of the time, negative reinforcement 20% of the time
•  Plan punishments to help you get started, such as denying yourself TV
•  Make a plan for bouncing back from setbacks and slips

I agree with it all, but it sounds as complex as sending a woman to the moon. Maybe best to go back to one step at a time. Make a plan that will work for you. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again. Here's the first step for NSTers.

• Acknowledge without judgment,  “Yes, I have acquired the negative self-talk habit, like many other women.”  The key is without judgment; just as you might acknowledge that you have brown hair like many other women, you acknowledge NST without criticism, recognizing that you have control of your thinking if you choose to take it.

The Most unorthodox (So far) Technique of the Week

Before you go further with today's post, re-read the January 7th Technique of the Week post. The WSJ article mentioned discussed a new addition to the cognitive therapy protocol.  Cognitive theory underlies all the techniques described in Handbook #1 for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit, the book I've been working on for the past year — and will be still working on in 2011.

Perhaps the most unorthodox technique that I describe in the book is detachment. It differs from the other main categories, problem-solving and cognitive restructuring, both of which require increased focus on the negative thinking in order to eliminate it. In contrast, detachment implies inattention to the negative thinking as a way to eliminate it. If you are a meditator or have acquired yoga mind, you may already have detachment skills. Following is a how-to suggestion for one form of detachment. It comes from an early article I wrote about banishing the inner critic.

            "The detachment approach is based on a mental technique described by Walter Mischel, Ph.D. as “strategic allocation of attention." The ability to purposefully pay attention, or choose to not pay attention, correlates highly with success factors related to education and career. By purposefully not paying attention to negative thinking, you decrease its influence. The detachment process results in better coping; disconnection from the negative thoughts and feelings allows increased feelings of well-being and self-confidence. Detachment also owes credit to the Zen Buddhist concept of bare attention, explained so well in thoughts without a thinker, a wonderful book by Mark Epstein.
1. Notice the voice in your head, without judgment or reaction. If it’s negative self- talk, say to yourself, “Oh, the critic is talking,” rather than, “What a jerk. I’m doing it again. When am I going to stop dumping on myself all the time?” talk, go to the next step. 

2. Remind yourself, without judgment or reaction, that negative self-talk which doesn’t produce problem-solutions can be discarded with no loss or harm. 

3. Reallocate attention from the internal negative thinking to the external moment and action. If you are walking or talking, writing or reading, staring out the window, cooking or care taking, purposefully and mentally feel yourself shift attention and maintain it on that external activity, just as you might move a book from a bookcase to a table and leave it there. 

4. When the voice of the critic arises again, demanding attention, reallocate attention back to the moment. Let the critic voice fade from inattention, and diminish as before. 

5. Practice the process at every opportunity. Allocate attention from self-doubt and self-criticism to here and now and an external activity.