The King's Speech and Negative Self-Talk

The King’s Speech, awarded 7 Golden Globe awards for best picture of the year, is a movie the viewer “feels” — as advertised. In addition to my enjoyment of the acting, the story, the people, feelings, and relationship facets, I clearly and unexpectedly saw tie-ins to negative self-talk.

No one mentioned NST I’ll admit. If you’ve been reading this blog somewhat regularly and you’ve seen the movie, you’ll recognize that the Duke of York, later King George the 6^th was talking to himself all the time. I imagine that he not only thought and felt negatively about himself, but also about others.

  About himself:

 “I’m a loser. I can’t speak without stammering.”

“I’m an embarrassment to my entire family.”

“I’m an embarrassment to the people of the British Empire.”

“I’ll never be able to speak publicly to inspire, persuade or inform.”

“ I cannot be King of England.”

About others:

“ My father has no compassion for my problem.”

“ My brother David is mindless and self-centered, thinking illogically, and behaving irresponsibly.”

“David was always the favorite. I was treated poorly and ignored by my parents. They never understood or seemed to care.”

The negative self-talk about himself, as well as his stuffed anger about his father, his brother, his parents, and even his first Nanny, contributed to his seeming inability to find his voice, to get rid of his stammer.

The very interesting point to me is that his inner critic probably had as much or a greater impact on his “disability” to speak than did his anger, frustration and other stuffed feelings about his family. In today’s terms, the former could have been fixed with self-help. The latter might require therapy. However, in the movie, the negative self-talk about self and about others was treated and cured in an unorthodox way by an un-credentialed mentor. What does this say about self-help for eliminating negative self-talk, reducing stress, increasing self-esteem and increasing productivity? You can do it! More on unorthodoxy coming up!

           

Technique of the Week, Step 3

I'm slightly out of sync with Technique of the Week, which should happen every Wednesday. Because of snow, holidays, travel, some inner turmoil and transitions, I'm off schedule. But as often happens in life, things works out. A January 2nd Wall Street Journal article discusses the latest cognitive theory for dispelling negative self-talk, doubts, fears. It fits right in with the final suggestion in the December 22 Technique of the Week.

• Acknowledge without judgment,  “Yes, I have acquired the negative self-talk habit, like many other women.”  The key is without judgment; just as you might acknowledge that you have brown hair like many other women, you acknowledge NST without criticism, recognizing that you have control of your thinking if you choose to take it.

Here's the link .http://tinyurl.com/37ccg67 

I'm quoting a paragraph from the WSJ article to tweak your curiosity and excite your neurons.


"Cognitive-behavioral therapy aims to help patients conquer their self doubts in two ways: Either by changing the behaviors that go along with it (I'm so fat—I need to get to the gym!) or by challenging the underlying thoughts, which are often distorted. (I'm 45-years old and I'm comparing myself to anorexic models. Get serious!)

Now, a third-wave of cognitive-behavioral therapy is catching on in psychology and self-help circles. It holds that simply observing your critical thoughts without judging them is a more effective way to tame them than pressuring yourself to change or denying their validity.
" 'Tame' is an interesting word," says Dr. Hayes, who pioneered one approach, called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. "How would you go about taming a wild horse? You wouldn't whip it back into a corner. You'd pat it on the nose and give it some carrots and eventually try to ride it."

H-m-m-m. Sounds interesting and familiar. Strategic allocation of attention? Mindfulness? Meditative? You can use these techniques in a self-help way — not just as therapy tools! More next Wednesday.

Fat Talk

Fat Talk is rampant this time of year, with men and women, with young and old, with skinny and plump. As you can easily guess, Fat Talk is not positive or realistic self-talk. It's just plain old negative.  I quote from a teen-ager who was honored for "sparking a Feel-Good Revolution" for teen age girls; encouraging them to drop the negative self-talk and change their perspective. http://www.wsoctv.com/sponsors/26140806/detail.html.
“Like most women, I have struggled with negative self talk, including Fat Talk (negative talk about my body). There is so much unnecessary pressure in our society to be perfect and fit into a false ideal. It's time we change this perspective and focus on being healthy and happy."

I think most would agree, acknowledge and accept the beliefs of this young woman. But we're back to square one. How to change our perspective about our body? How to get rid of the negative stuff? How to find a realistic perspective that we can buy into? How can we break the NST habit for good, whether it has to do with our body, our education, our job, our parenting, our relationships?

Here's the link to a good article about negative self talk and weight loss success.  http://www.fitwoman.com/expert-advice/fitbriefings/changing-negative-self-talk 

Here's the article itself:

Achieving Weight Loss Success By Changing Negative Self Talk

Get Rid of Negative Self-Talk to Stay Motivated & Reach Your Weight Loss and Health Goals
We've all been there before. One day we feel like we can do anything – and we resolve to try. But a few days or weeks later, we wonder how we can get up the desire to even get out of bed. Well, maybe it's not that bad...but when it comes to keeping up with healthy eating and physical activity, perhaps it is.
Take a moment to review these three steps for staying with it – whether it's resolve to lose weight, get healthy or any other goal you have.
Step #1: Examine your thinking.
What's going on in your mind as you try to change your behaviors? Remember the connection between our thoughts, our emotions and our behaviors. The first feeds the second, the second the third. If our thinking is awry, so goes our emotions, and our behaviors reflect how we're feeling.
Consider these thinking errors common to weight-struggling women:

• All-or-nothing thinking – The tendency to go to extremes, judging ourselves and our bodies as extremely good or bad. Challenge this thinking by recognizing that few things are truly black and white.
• 'Should' statements – Trying to motivate yourself with 'shoulds', including comparing yourself to perfectionistic images in the media. Remember you have choices; look for them.
• Magnification/minimization – An overfocus on things you dislike about yourself while minimizing your positive attributes. Thank someone who compliments you and skip the 'but...."
• Scapegoating – Incorrectly concluding that a disliked physical characteristic is directly responsible for certain difficulties you encounter. Remember that making assumptions and taking things personally can be a big mistake; fat prejudice does exist, but it may not be responsible for all your troubles.
• Mind reading – Projecting your own thoughts/beliefs onto others. Remind yourself that even though you are bright and perceptive, you still can't read others' minds.
• Fortune telling – Predicting how your physical shortcomings will affect the future. Remind yourself that even though you are bright and perceptive, you still can't predict the future.
• Emotional reasoning – Thinking it must be true if you feel or believe it. Identify what you are feeling and remind yourself it's just a thought – that doesn't make it true.

Step #2: Fine-tune your plan.
Do you have a clear plan about how you're going to get where you want to go? If not, it's time to turn on the computer (or get out the paper and pencil). Write down what you want to achieve and how you're going to do it.
Break it down into realistic, achievable steps, setting intermediate milestones that will take you to your final goal (example: walking 30 minutes a day instead of losing 50 pounds). Instead of negative goals, such as I won't binge this week, use positive statements: "I'll eat three balanced meals and snack when I'm hungry this week."
Remember to plan rewards along the way. There's nothing better than winning, then getting a 'prize' for it, too! This helps you celebrate your successes along the way rather than waiting for the lottery.

Step #3: Take action.

Having a hard time figuring out where to start? It doesn't really matter – as long as you start. You might want to start with something that's relatively easy for you to do, so you can experience success quickly. It's also important not to take on too much at one time, to avoid overwhelming yourself.

Top Tips for Success

1. As you go through your days, stay aware of your thoughts and keep them supportive of what you are trying to do.
2. Fine-tune your plan as you go. Your needs may change as you achieve intermediate goals.
3. Get friends in on the action. Develop a support system to do things with as well as to turn to when things get tough.
4. Take a couple of minutes every day to write down your successes. You'll build the habit of recognizing what you've done instead of focusing on what you haven't done.

This is the most important line in the article.

"Having a hard time figuring out where to start? It doesn't really matter – as long as you start."

Yes, as long as you start to stop your negative self-talk, whatever type it is.